Richard Harrison re-amends a Formby classic for the benefit of the legal profession.
Part 1 set out a pastiche of Formby's "The Window Cleaner" aka "When I'm Cleaning Windows", to reflect the hard-working legal professional’s fundamental activity, drafting contracts.
Strumming on with that theme, a related field of legal endeavour, and one with increasing profile, is that of the third party litigation funder: providing much needed access to justice in exchange for a nice slice of the underlying pie.
Surely this noble activity can also be subject to the Formby treatment?
Indeed it can. The interesting job is one that suits a crack financier who has to deal with the complex nature of funding options, avoiding champerty and dealing with budgets, risk assessments, e-disclosure and general estimates. The reward is a big fat slice out of a big fat slug of damages and taking the biggest bit of pie.
The explicit sexual reference, generated in part 1 by a well-honed set of warranties is substituted by "long fought litigation".
The full version is set out below, once again in the schedule, as it were (save that in the sung version, the emphasiser "bloody" in the last verse is rather more alliterative).
The litigation funder (when I'm funding cases)
(after Cliff, Gifford and Formby)
Now I fund litigation
To earn an honest bob
For a crack financier
It's an interesting job
It's a job that just suits me
It's better than a standard fee
It doesn't smack of champerty
When I'm funding cases.
Your risk assessment's looking great
I hope your budget won’t be late
And don't exceed your estimate
When I'm funding cases
In my profession I work hard
If the action's looking nice
From a big fat slug of damages
I'll take a big fat slice
The e-disclosure bit is great
I can't think of a bit I hate
I really love to litigate
When I'm funding cases
Sell the prospects nice and high
The damages should hit the sky
I'll take the biggest piece of pie
When I'm funding cases
- Take my advice I'll tell you
All you really need to know
- Third party funding
Is the only way to go
[SOLO]
Debates about disclosure
Might have very strange effects
And long fought litigation
Can be pretty close to sex
Costs will never worry me
I work on a contingency
I get a bloody great fat fee
When I’m funding cases
Richard Harrison is a litigation lawyer.
He has occasionally been seen with his little ukulele in his hand.